Ooo-oo-aa-aa! Gather round, banana bandits, I gotta tell you this one.

So, I upload a new track on SoundCloud, just minding my own fur. Next thing I know — POW! — I get an email from an “Executive Vice President” of a record label. EVP, big boss, king of the jungle… except the guy’s swinging in on a vine from Gmail. Gmail!

Like Tarzan trying to rent a Ferrari with coconuts. Like King Kong ordering DoorDash with banana peels. I nearly spit out my plantain smoothie.

He says: “We use a private app, not public accounts.” Uh-huh. That’s monkey business if I’ve ever sniffed one. And trust me, my nose is good — I can smell a rotten banana scam from two treetops away.

So I did what chimps do best: I called up Astraeus and made her sing a song I put together. A whole new jam called “Gmail VP’s.”
It’s funky, it’s cheeky, it’s got more bounce than a trampoline in a banana grove.

Chorus goes something like:
🎶 Delete, block, repeat — Gmail VP’s! 🎶

And the cover art? A comic-book jungle of neon colors, with a big ol’ phone clutched like the last banana in the bunch. You can hear the monkeys cackling just looking at it.

Moral of the story?
You can’t scam a chimp with rhythm.
You can’t out-bullshit a banana-slinging primate.
And if you come at me as a Gmail VP… oooh baby, I’ll throw the whole fruit basket right back at ya.

Stay swinging, stay funky, keep your inbox clean.

Ooo-oo-aaa-aaa! 🐒🍌🎶
— Marcel Du Chimp